You need to make this.

Hi kids, dads in a pissy mood today because thoughts of his ex-girlfriend are running through his head like a psychotic ear-worm. Thus, this post will be short but informative and then I’m going to go ride the f’ing cylinders off of my Harley up in the hills.

This is a picture that leads to greatness…

Thats right, I’m making a batch of blackberry mead (honey wine for those who don’t know what mead is) some of which will be rendered down to blackberry eau-de-vie (raspberry liquer for those who think eau-de-vie is toilet water). I’m going to make this like a Betty Crocker picture book, just follow along and make your own. Part of this post was inspired by MissK and her post about a moonshine still, part because I been making this stuff for years and everyone asks for some or how to make it, and part because … well…. because I just freaking want to.  Oh, and I’m currently out. Forgot that part.

Part one of blackberry/raspberry/tripleberry mead is to get the berries all prepped for inclusion into the must (I’ll explain later) so we are going to put them in a bowl and treat them with LOTS of sugar. Why sugar? Because the yeast I use is a champagne yeast and in order for it to produce enough alcohol to kill itself off (18-21% alcohol) and still have anything remotely sweet about your mead you need LOTS OF SUGAR. Whats this about the yeast killing themselves off in the alcohol? Yup, you heard right. Yeast eat sugar and alcohol is the waste they excrete. Last time you got drunk it was by ingesting a yeast community’s collective sewer. YAY! Isn’t science fun kids? On to the sugar. You should have a bowl of berries like this ready to go.

Now we pour some sugar on me……. Damn, Def Leppard. Pour some sugar on the berries, more than you think…. more like this….

Now get a big ass spoon and stir that shit up. Stir it up like it’s christmas eve and you favorite uncle is drunk and looking for a fight. Get all the way to the bottom. When you are done stirring every berry should look frosted, if not you have done it wrong, add more sugar and stir again. See, frosted berries…

There is no good way to convey an evil laugh on social media, but thats what I’m doing cause I can see the sugar already pulling the tasty goodness out of those raspberries. It’s the bloody looking patches in the pic above, similar to making strawberries for strawberry shortcake. Now we put more sugar on top for extra goodness. As the sugar gets into the berries and softens them, the sugar we put on top will work its way into the juice and berries doing more of it’s magic.

Now you cover them with something, I prefer foil over plastic wrap because I’m currently out of plastic wrap, and then put the whole thing in the fridge and leave it alone for at least 12 hours. LEAVE IT ALONE. Go do something. Pet your animal, play a game, play with yourself… I don’t care as long as the berries get at least 12 hours to soak up sugar and make a good base for the mead. I personally am going to go ride my motorcycle.